Post-Apocalyptic Wonderland: My Favorite Game Coincidences

I love games where different actions at different times can lead to a pile-up of odd timing and strange happenings. My love of Oblivion is mainly because the game lends itself to odd occurrences, especially when you least expect it. These are the moments that make you stop, wondering what just happened, or the things that make you yell at the screen, usually something like ‘what the hell?’, ‘bullshit’ or ‘that was…what?’.

This is a list of my favorite random things that have happened to me in games:

What are you doing in my room?

This happened way-back-when. I had played through Oblivion before and decided to fire it up again because I was bored and there were some neat mods out. During my last couple of games I had tried to get into the Dark Brotherhood and failed miserably. I just couldn’t seem to kill an ‘innocent’ NPC without half the guards in the game giving me the business end of a sword, and no killing= no Dark Brotherhood.

You never let me have any fun.

So this for this play-through I had decided to say ‘screw it’ and just play the game. No worrying about the Brotherhood or the Thieves Guild or anything. There was plenty else to do and by the gods I was going to do it.

Like killin’ things. Lots of things.

So imagine my surprise when Lucien Lachance, the guy who kicks off the Dark Brotherhood quest line, woke me from my slumber at an inn one night.

My response? To yell at the screen: “Bullshit, I didn’t kill anyone!”

Although, since you’re here and all…

It took me a while to realize that I had installed a mod that upped arrow damage, and that most likely during the Kvatch quest (A quest where you, some monsters and some guards flounce around like idiots through a burning town) I had accidently killed a guard and didn’t realize it. That’s right. After several games and hours of trying, I got into the Dark Brotherhood, a guild of assassins, completely on accident. Go me.

I’m sure this will work out just fine.

Bill the Unkillable

This was while playing Mount and Blade: Warband. If you haven’t heard of it, you’re basically a medieval mercenary who gathers followers and kills stuff for fun and profit. You can cycle through your basic followers, like knights and archers, pretty quickly if you’re not careful and even if you are it’s rare that someone lasts through several serious campaigns.

Yeah, unnamed people dying in fights. Huge surprise.

But I had noticed that one Swadian Knight was with me for quite a while, since almost the beginning of the game. I separated him from his Swadian brothers and named him Bill, because I’m not very imaginative.

I kept expecting Bill to die, but no matter how bad things got there was still one Swadian Knight hanging around. Even my husband would occasionally ask if Bill was still alive as I kept playing (he was playing the game as well at around the same time). Through burning deserts and sea raider attacks, Bill lived. Bill was unkillable.

This tree needs like two more tiers just for Bill.

Hello Officer, nice evening, isn’t it?

On the same game of Oblivion where I was accidentally let into the Dark Brotherhood (with a character named Kibbles, if you’re interested); I was just finishing up a rather fun quest for the assassins. The basic premise was that you were invited to a party and your goal was to be the last person out of that house left alive. I had stabbed, coerced and poisoned my way into five dead bodies littering the place.

Kibbles: Moving up from accidental murderer one NPC at a time.

I left, giggling to myself at a job well done, until I saw who was waiting for me on the steps.

Shit.

It was actually the guard Captain, and he was there to warn me about a crazy night-elf that I had been talking to way, way earlier in the game. If it had been a more real-life scenario, I probably would’ve said something along these lines: “Haha of course, Captain. I’ll stay away from him. There’s no need to look in the house behind me. Everything in there is completely fine.”

Instead he left, wishing me a good day. The Captain of the Guard was ten feet away from a multiple murder and I got away with it.

Thanks for nearly making me piss myself, Oblivion.

What are you…argbarglejabd!

Remember how I said there were some cool mods for Oblivion? See, my husband had tried out a few and loaded them on to my computer. Most of them were really awesome, but he had neglected to mention one in particular.

I found out about it, and it ate my horse.

STOP BITING ME AND DIE ALREADY.

You wanna run that by me again?

The game after Kibbles, I rolled a new character and decided to do the Thieves Guild quests right from the start. Now, this isn’t so much as a coincidence as it is something that just surprised me.

I was walking by a guard when he uttered: “Something on your mind, furlicker?”

See, I always play as one of these guys, just because I think they’re fun-

My reputation wasn’t that great, but I had never had the guards actually hate me before. Kibbles, despite being one of the kitty-people and riding around on this-

Shadowmere- aka ‘Cupcake’, the Best Horse Ever

And wearing this-

Yeah that’s not evil at all.

And doing lots of this-

-was loved by the guards. They had called Kibbles things like ‘champion’ and ‘hero’.

I was just called a racial epithet by a guard, and I was honestly insulted.

Bill the Terminator

During Warband, sometimes you have to participate in city fights. These are tough, but fun, and you can usually only bring two guys with you. I had forgotten to set who was coming with me and was disappointed to find a Swadian Knight, as they weren’t that great at hand-to-hand combat. I expected him not to make it, forgetting who numbered among my knights.

No taking the tank-horses into castles, you understand.

During the fight I accidentally slipped off the stairs, landing into a group of enemy archers and swordsmen. I was doing pretty well and managed to take a few of them out, but there was no way I was going to win.

Until I saw something cut a bloody swathe through the archers, through the swordsmen, and right up to me.

It was the Swadian Knight, covered in blood, and he had just saved my ass.

It was Bill.

Bill looked at me for just a second before running off to kill more punk-ass bitches. We took the castle, despite my complete screw-up earlier. It was then that I became convinced that Bill was a glitch, and he was the best glitch ever.